There was no one else there. For a little while, I had it all to myself. Having risen at 3 to make the hour long journey to the Northern Beaches, we found where my husband would be stationed for the Sun Run: directly opposite the rock pool of South Curl Curl, where the morning tides ferociously slammed against the rocks, the pool, the shore. I’m so glad I decided to go with him. It wasn’t long before that initial feeling of disconnection, that belief that, “maybe I’ve been away from the water for too long” disappeared. As the sun rose over a cloudy horizon, I found my spot within a stone crescent circle with an amazing view. I kicked my shoes off, faced the rising sun, and begun.
With the rising of the morning sun
over the waters glistening deep
May there be peace in the East.
It was as if time itself stopped to allow me that moment within the stone crescent to perform this rite with such power and conviction escaping from my voice. Once I finished, the people came. I chose my spot within the circle facing the sunrise, and began to read; a lecture on The Wild Hunt, and everything that I could find on Arianrhod by Not All Who Wander Are Lost and PAGANARCH’s Arianrhod, The Crown of the North (yes, I am becoming a little bit obsessive!)
I realised last night and confirmed while sitting in the crescent that I’m a little intimidated by Arianrhod. From what I’ve read so far she’s definitely not the love-and-light Goddess who many fluffies have tried to convince me of in the random forums I’m in, or one who…I can’t think of the word. She protects herself strongly because of the wrongs that were done to her, and she still has that protection wrapped around her so tightly she won’t allow herself to be manipulated or fooled by.
I’m beginning to understand why it’s she that came forth, and why Herne wanted to introduce her to me in 2012, why she was reserved and (dare I say) slightly stand-offish and straight-backed within the meeting, and why I wasn’t to know her name before now.
It is because I’m only just ready to be put through the paces and trials and tests that I can feel await for me by working with her. How to compare…the feeling I got last night, before I did my reading this morning, is that she’s like a personal trainer who won’t let you slack off, but who will be disappointed if you don’t meet the goals set before you. She wants you to constantly do your best, or better than your best, and for you to prove that you can achieve what you need to achieve provided you really put your heart and soul into it. Caer over at Not All Who Wander Are Lost put it beautifully.
She can’t stand to see potential wasted.
She doesn’t even seem to care what the potential is for,
so long as it is the very best it can be.
– Not All Who Wander Are Lost: About Arianrhod
And I say that I think I’m ready to work with her now because of the offers that stand before me, and the motiviation I have for my studies and my work environment, and finding potential that I didn’t even know was there.
As previously mentioned, I’ve been offered an opportunity to do a double degree at uni. I’m currently studying Bachelor of Natural Science (Environment & Health) part time (7 units down 17 over 4 years to go) and I’ve been offered to put forth my “expression of interest” in doing a Bachelor of Applied Leadership and Critical Thinking. In order to do this double degree, I need to maintain a GPA of 5 (min marks of Credit, or nothing below 65%). This degree is just one aspect of my life where I need to maintain a degree of focus to achieve my goal. The other is weight loss, and another is now working with her and making her proud of my progress when it really gets started.
Having her say, “I’m going to be with you on this journey through Avalon” is so much more to me than I first thought. It’s become way of, “I want to make her proud” because I believe she’s going to be that constant tap on the shoulder, that constant voice of arse-kicking if I don’t get my shit together to be able to achieve everything that I want to achieve, and get the marks and the work done that I need to do. Just like Herne is, but with a ruler in hand to whack me over the knuckles if I slack or get too comfortable.
So I’m intimidated by her because she feels like such a strong presence that I immediately want to make happy. I want to make Herne proud because he first asked her to meet me. Herne is very much my teacher and he’s been so patient with me because I think he could see that that was the way I needed to be approached. Now that I understand my body, my mind and I’ve found so much more confidence than I did 2 1/2 years ago, Arianrhod has come forth because it’s time and I’m ready.
I have no idea where this path is going to take me. I have no idea if I’m going to be biting off more than I can chew, but on top of all this I am incredibly excited!