Book of Eucalypt

Tomorrow is the day I’m meant to be celebrating because my book will be released! 12 May is the date of release from Crossed Crow Books, and available on Kindle on Amazon (Amazon and Booktopia physical dates seem to have been pushed back).

Today I am in the comfy chair next to a hospital bed, waiting for a Neuro consult.

Monday 4th I lost my words. My brain CPU deleted access to the vocabulary database and for an hour or so I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t say “there is a watch on my arm” because those words did not exist. I had skullcap pressure but put it down to food intolerances.

Wednesday 6th I lost them again, expressing fear to my GP and to my boss. I was sent to a CT to rule out a TIA.

Thursday 7th I had a CT. During the CT my brain pressure became worse.

Friday 8th I had a call to say I needed an MRI. Nothing could be booked til today. I developed a searing headache which I attributed to stress.

Saturday 9th I first noticed my walking being like that on a boat. Then the skullcap pressure. After some gardening and a late lunch I could feel my words becoming fluffy.

I was taken to Wagga Base Hospital via ambulance.

The episode on Saturday lasted about 10 hours. My reaching for words and slurred speech fluctuated from “what I’m trying to say is being taken out of context” to “whoo! I’m normal!” to back to slow and intentionally precise with heavy concentration.

I love words. I’m not the best at speaking verbally at the best of times because my mouth can’t keep up, or I pause to think before speaking, but just look at this blog that I’ve kept for 16 years. I wrote a book!

Words are a ritual, it’s expression, it’s analogies. And I love analogies – it’s how I best express myself with my neurodivergence.

And I couldn’t say “my watch is on my wrist.” The words did not exist. The pages in my mind were blank. Written words became unknown characters and would disappear mid thought and mid sentence.

It hit me in the Stroke Ward just what it all could mean. And I still don’t know what’s happened or what it means because I am still waiting on a consult.

I have theories, of course, not from Google but from comparing what I’ve experienced to others who have experienced similar nonsense, but I am not the one with a Medical Degree. I am listening to my body and know there is something…off.

I don’t know if this is coherent. But the date I’ve been working towards for so long is here tomorrow, and I don’t think I’ll be celebrating as intended.