I feel as though this post will be written over a series of days as resolutions is something I’ve never really understood. I’m sure I’ve mentioned previously, but for me my new year begins at Litha, not when the Gregorian calender clicks over. I also don’t understand why many of us make the same resolutions at the beginning of each new year, then allow ourselves to fall into the same routines.
I laugh at myself writing the above – how many years now have I been trying to lose weight?!
I’m fighting with myself at the moment because part of me wants to be one of those, “I don’t have high expectations of 2015 because then I can’t disappoint myself.” Just typing it makes me want to smack myself over the head. I have certain expectations and goals I want to set for myself, but I also need to ensure I word it specifically so my mind doesn’t obsess over it or warp what I want to achieve.
I’m coming into PMDD – and in the down periods thanks to PMDD I can still work myself up over anything and sabotage myself like you wouldn’t believe. I’m coming into that frame now – between exhaustion, the mental bullshit from my ovaries and the bucket of fairy floss I disgustingly gorged myself on and just finished – I’m off to a bad start with my own new year.
One goal is to not allow my PMDD to take full control. I’ve found ways of combating it and depending on the ovary it may or may not work. My goal for this year is to find new ways of dealing with bad ovary month, the mental anguish at its worse, where my brain tells me I’m a worthless piece of shit who will never amount to anything (jokes on you, ovary, I proved I’m worth more than I could have ever imaged in this last year alone! Bwahahha!). I know that my brain is full of shit, and that it’s just the chemical imbalance that the ovary is producing that makes me think in this manner.
You just gotta ride the emotions out. It’s really hard.
A more Witchy goal is to further develop my understanding of Avalonian Witchcraft. I’m going to be utilising the Pagans Down Under fortnightly blog project to dive into that, as I think it’s a good layout to understand and draw a deeper connection. It’ll also ensure that I keep on track and don’t drift away, ensuring that I put aside time to focus my energy onto that.
Another Witchy goal is to work with Herne in learning about the Wild Hunt. I’m REALLY looking forward to this! He’s shown me where to find one piece of reading on it, and as I’m someone who needs to study off paper (with a pen and highlighter to make notes) it’s something I’ll be printing out at work…because our printer doesn’t understand the joys of double-sided printing.
I’m not sure if either the Avalonian or the Wild Hunt will be things I choose to post on here at Book of Eucalypt, but we’ll see what happens. I’m also partaking in “Pagans Down Under” and “The Pagan Experience” blog projects, so there’s a lot happening! I might mix it depending on the week and topic, we’ll see.
And now for the kick my ego needs…