I’ve never been one for SpellCraft. The idea of forcing along the natural order of things seems wrong to me. That said, I’ve always been like that. I was a week late out of the womb, I didn’t learn to ride a bike until after my younger brother, I failed the test for my Learners Permit twice in one week – I’ve basically never done anything until I was completely ready.
I’ve blogged previously about what I did for the Eclipse last week. Whatever it was that I performed, I’m beginning to see the impact of it on my life.
I’ve been trying to stay on the “healthy bandwagon” all year, and it has had mixed results. Yes, I am 10-12kg lighter than I was in April, but the scales have balanced out. I’m not gaining nor losing, but my knee is giving more grief which I’m not overly happy about.
Since moving into the new house, how can I describe it… I’m excited to be in the kitchen. After living in houses with either no working kitchen (Nan’s), poorly designed kitchens (last house, house before Nan’s) or living with my mother (“Oh your cooking? Here, let me take over that”) I had severely lost my passion. Not to mention sinking into a pit of darkness and despair last year, I’ve had no desire to cook. The microwave was my friend!
But there’s something about this house. Possibly because the kitchen is just awesome, with so much bench space, and two sinks, and a tap that doesn’t leak, and plenty of cupboards, and a working stove (minus the large hotplate) I’ve finally regained my love of cooking!
Once upon a time I would’ve growled at my Muggle for suggesting that I cook scrambled eggs for breakfast. I lived for simple-cooked foods, that I didn’t have to cut up beforehand. Things I could just bang in the pan, because the ovens at the last few houses haven’t worked.
This weekend I cooked “my pasta” for the first time in almost a year, and it was delicious. I loved having new knives that could cut properly, and swing as I sliced into the onions and mushrooms. Then scrambled eggs with Italian Herbs (Masterfoods) with toasted bread rolls for breakfast the next morning (perfect hang-over food as I incidentally drank the better of a bottle of wine by myself!) And last night’s dinner of chicken cacciatore with more scrambled eggs, this time with left over ham…yum!!
And the dishes!! Who would’ve thought I’d ever be happy to do the dishes?!
The big moment has been Sunday lunch, and yesterday. Sunday we took my mother-in-law out for lunch, and had chinese at the local shopping centre. I didn’t want it. I felt sick and disgusted that the options were sushi (I’ve gone off sushi), Maccas, a kebab or Chinese. I wanted something healthier, but wasn’t in the mood for Subway. And before you comment, I refuse to buy a salad from McDonalds!
Yesterday I had mega PMS. I honestly had no idea how I got through it, but I did. Aside from a few naughty things to help the “pain in my stomach” move along and remove itself, I didn’t want to eat them. The idea of eating such crap is seriously beginning to disgust me. Normally on a day like yesterday, I’d be at Madam Cha Cha’s in a heartbeat, ordering a quarter chicken and chips. Or stopping off at the grocer and getting the largest brownie I could find, along with a small tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream. Writing that down is making me queasy.
So I settled for my two bread rolls left over from last week, and had them with cheese and vegemite in the toaster.
The ritual/spell/whatever from last week has been so powerful, my mentality has completely changed. Admittedly I’ve got an open can of Coke at my desk and some pep’o’mint lifesavers, it’s my small allowance to cull the cravings which I’m disgusted at having. I even looked in the “store fridge” here at work, and didn’t want a single chocolate bar there for sale. Or any of the chips or bags of lollies.
None of it!
So hopefully this continues. I want it to continue, I’m loving the fact that I feel truly motivated to look after my body now. With the depression under control, and life in order, and I have a wonderful man who loves me for me…there’s really no reason for me to feel the need to hide behind this body of excess weight anymore.
I’m loving this new me, I really am.