I had quite a breakthrough today. I’ve been practicing on letting go of energy that I don’t feel is mine, that doesn’t serve my highest good. And this morning, the practice paid off.
I know I’m not the only female out there with this problem – their male counterpart who comments and picks on their driving. Driving to our celebrants this morning was one of those times. Poor baby, he didn’t get enough sleep, and I got even less. The thought of getting up early on a Saturday was too much. I didn’t feel it right to mention all the 4am wake-ups in the past so he can run a marathon.
But as he picked and picked on my speed, dancing with other cars when I was merely pointing out what they do on the Bellarine Highway, I felt it. His anger, his frustration, bubbling up and getting into my little space behind the wheel of the Camry. I have driven that road countless times working in Ocean Grove. I knew the police car hide-outs, I knew when to slow down.
Seriously men out there, wtf? Can you please just let us be one with the car?!
But his sleepy frustration came. We all do it, the sleep deprived, annoyance filled emotion we let go at anyone in our path. The snapping, the little comments that shouldn’t get under the skin. But the do, and they fester, with arguing soon to follow.
And if it had been a day, say, four months ago. If I hadn’t been practicing, I would’ve given in. I would’ve pulled over at Wallington, yelled, and told him to drive himself there. I could picture it playing out in my mind. It was horrible. On an inner level I feel somewhat ashamed just knowing that that’s how I used to react.
But I didn’t. Each time a comment came, I breathed. I centred myself. I chanted “This is not my emotion, I release it into the world. I release it with love and Light.” A breathing technique my Reiki master once taught me – breathe in love and light, and release the negative feelings, surrounded in love and light. I called upon the Divine Apollo to help me maintain a bubble of Light to stop his frustrated bubble from getting to me.
Then I saw it. His bubble. His sleepy, dark blue bubble, at least two inches thick. It was horrible, and that crept onto me? So I sent my sleepy man love, and light, and happiness (and puppies and rainbows!! – sorry, couldn’t resist) that he could choose to accept or not. But either way, my mood beautifully shifted into one of enjoying the morning drive. Enjoying Apollo’s light radiating down onto us, warming the car, warming my hands on the wheel.
And the rest of the day, was wonderful. We signed the documents at the celebrants for our upcoming wedding. He eventually woke up and managed to joke and smile and laugh. His dark blue bubble disappeared, and he was back to his awoken self.
All in all, I’m quite proud of myself. Once upon a time when I was stuck in my own dark horrible bubble, I would’ve sunk my teeth into an arguement filled morning. Being able to let it slip away without confrontation was a dream.
Now, it can be done. To use a tactless phrase, “and about fucking time, too!”