Lately I’ve been waking up thinking I have wings. A few times when my partner gets up for work, he pulls the covers up over my back so I don’t get the 5am chill. Each time I feel as though he’s playing with my wings.
But of all the Fae, I couldn’t tell you which one I’d want to be, which one I yet feel drawn to. I just feel…connected as a whole.
It’s a nice feeling. It’s different to before, before the breakdowns and the disconnection. This is a true connection, a life connection. There’s no seperation between faith and reality. Faith is reality, all is one, one with the Universe and one within self.
I went for a drive this morning. I felt I was being pulled out of bed (at the ungodly hour of 9.30am!) to go to the You Yangs National Park. I should’ve known it wasn’t to be as I got lost on the way. I didn’t know you had to take the Baccush Marsh exit from the Ring Road, I was expecting an exit near Aldi. But no. So I took the last Lara exit and got lost, driving through Little River instead of through Lara Town because the Commodore behind me was scaring me with his tail-riding driving.
The park is closed to the public. I went out there to gather branches. I’m preparing to make the broom to which we’ll jump during our wedding ceremony, and I want it to be Australiana. Traditionally they’re Birch branches, but we’re a long way away from the Ancestral Lands of the Pagan faith. So, Eucalyptus it is. Thankfully I was able to gather outside the gate.
But on the way home, I think I took on someone’s energy. I’d been thinking of someone from high school all morning, wanting to pass on information that this person may or may not be ready to hear. I felt their strength and their sorrow, their wisdom and their pain. Before I knew it I was crying over a loss of self, a loss of connection. A loss of something much greater.
I need to pass on the information I was given, but I truely feel it’s not my place. The pain is still too raw, I can’t add to it.
But today taught me I need to be more careful. I need to learn to put barriers up as soon as I wake up. Not to keep myself cold to the world, but to keep out those who feed off energy, and to stop myself from taking on other’s energy. It’s something I’ve done all my life, thinking that if I took it from them, they wouldn’t have to carry it. I know now it doesn’t happen that way, and I am trying to break that habit.
This spiritual transformation I’m going through right now is amazing. It’s breathtaking, and it’s wonderful to finally be without the darkness. I know how to handle myself when it comes now. I know how to shift my mood back to one in the sunshine, to allow the Universe to take away whatever emotions are overwhelming me that do not serve my highest good.
It’s taken me close to 15 years to get to this point.
I thank the Goddess and God every morning for helping me. Living in the Light…nothing can compare.