Around the Cauldron · Celebrating the Sabbats · For the Gods

Finding my way home

Sometimes we put our faith aside. Writing it, it seems like such a silly idea.

Q. Wouldn’t you cling to your faith when the world around you crumbles?
A. No, I was too busy trying to keep myself afloat while slowly drowning.

We’re approaching the Summer Solstice, Midsummer, Zomer zonnewende, Alban Hefin. The weather here in the Riverina is very “Victorian” where you’re wearing a jumper one minute and then sunbathing the next. You’re turning the sprinkler off in the evenings five minutes before the un-forecasted rain falls. Last night I filled some new pots with a succulent mix while wearing my Oodie, yet was dripping from sweat on the weekend.

I’m slowly finding my rhythm again. I had to re-read my previous post as AuDHD brain had forgotten all of that. I forget that I had time in the Mental Health facility, I forget my car was stolen, I forget that I almost got in a punch-on with Herne the Hunter in the forest.

I’ve begun bringing little routines into my day. I have cards that I pull each Monday at work and have them on display at my desk to represent the week ahead. Every day I go to my collection of Forest Spirit Jewelry that I have reawakened and reorganised, run my hand over them and see which is being called to be worn that day. I say my morning call in the car on the way to work, but really should do it barefoot in the backyard (mosquitos…). I have a collection of books in my cart at booktopia, waiting for the moment I can justify spending the money, not knowing when I will have a chance to properly read them.

My partner and I have begun swimming almost regularly, and each time I bring in Nehalennia and my Oma into the swim with me, drawing that connection in and strengthening it. My Oma has been so incredibly vocal lately to the point I want to go back on Duolingo so I can talk to her in her language. While I do know where the local library is, it could be something I one day need to ask her in Spirit!

I also want to acknowledge that I understand the hyperfocus I have had on a certain aspect of Herne over the last decade or more was due to my AuDHD obsessing over that one aspect. It was very much about who He is: His story, His mythos, His region, His personality, and less about the greater mythos at work that helped Him become who He is. I don’t mean “The Three” Antlered ones that we all know and love, but the deeper history. So, I pulled out His book that my partner found (after I searched for it for years) and got back to continuing to read it. I think now with what’s been happening, and what my focus has been within meditation and my Ancestral work, I began to cry reading the chapter on Woden.

In my mind, it’s always been there – that connection Herne has to Woden because of course the legend would’ve been brought over to Britain from Scandinavia and from the Germanic peoples – but my AuDHD brain and my inexperience was very defensive of, “No, that’s not Herne, don’t compare them”. And I feel that at times with my own self – the idea of claiming Dutch ancestry because it’s through a single grandparent always felt weird and I can’t express why. Poppy stopped speaking the language when he came over here, he didn’t return for 30-40 years after the war, we didn’t call him Opa (although I believe he wished we had) but he never pushed it. But then I have my Oma, who I’ve never met because she died in the 1960s, who reminds me on the daily not to forgo that side of myself. Because my connection to Spirit, a huge part of my identity, comes from HER.

I think that’s why I cried reading the Woden chapter, because it (finally) dawned on me that Herne’s mythos started in the same region as where my family is from. I don’t understand why that feels important to me, but it does. I can’t express in words that deeper, core feeling. Not yet.

Coming to this realisation, this inner growth and personal acceptance at this time of the year is not lost on me. Herne’s power is growing as He begins to prepare for the Wild Hunt in the Northern Hemisphere, yet in another guise of His, will be taking the Oak Crown off the Holly King here in the Southern Hemisphere. While I’m still getting there with adding more of a practice to my life now… I guess you could say I’m returning wearing floaties rather than just jumping in the deep end and fully immersing myself like I’m craving. I want to ensure I redevelop routines that serve me in this current stage of life.

I’m finding my way back home.


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