Last weekend I went to my first Beltane Gathering held here in Sydney. It has been running for a couple of years, but this was my first time, and I think the first time I was aware of it.

I tip my hat to my dear friend from Gliding Seal Events for organising such a fantastic weekend. I know I’ve only been to three Gatherings, but it was by far the most fun I have ever had. Given that there were challenges with full group participation, as opposed to workshops (I still love workshops) it gave us all that high of real community awareness. I don’t often feel at home around strangers, and I know no one ever wants to leave a gathering, but it’s rare that I feel instantly welcome like I did at the Beltane Gathering.

I won’t post photos from the event with people in them as I know some there aren’t out of the broom closet. So here’s one one of a kookaburra sitting on the maypole.

The main essence of Beltane is sex, fertility, and the coming together of the Goddess and God. We found our King and Queen of Beltane, we danced around the Maypole, we asked for the continual fertility of the land.

As I have blogged about before, I’m not fertile: my ovaries currently don’t want to fertilise the eggs as they are being released. I was upset for over a year, but I’ve come to terms with it, and it’s no longer a touchy subject for me. My body still gives me the pain and awful Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder that comes from my hormone imbalance, so it at least reminds me each month that, yes, they are in a way working.

But fertility isn’t just about eggs and child birth. Certainly not for a 30 year old with dud ovaries.

Since the Beltane Gathering, I feel different. I feel as though I have come out of my comfort zone, that my confidence has grown, and that the winds have truly changed. This is an all-round feeling: home, work, and spiritual development.

I feel confident enough to actually be involved and joke with the people I work with, rather than just watching them banter between themselves. But when you come to work in a blue gingham shirt, I will ask you not to drop a house on me because my shoes can’t possibly be your size. I feel more confident at home, in that my Muggle and I have had discussions and really sorting things out that we’ve otherwise been darting around the edges of.

I left the gorgeous surrounds of the Beltane Gathering with a sense of a deeper connection. I’m not entirely sure what that connection is, but it’s there. It’s like I’ve been reaffirmed that yes, this is who I am. That no, it doesn’t matter that I don’t fit into any titles within the Pagan Community, that I don’t need to have a title for the path that I am on, or for what my collection of beliefs and practices are.

I cast spells like a Witch, but practice (and dress) like a Druid. I have a Patron but no Matron. I am beginning my journey down the Avalonian tradition, and I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead of me.

It doesn’t matter that there is no word to describe what I am, because you can describe with more than words. Or, you can keep silent, because deep down I’ve come to that assuring realisation that I know who I am, and that’s all the description that I need right now.

Fertility is also about growth, and change. The winds of change have arrived for me. Through my experience at Beltane, I have grown and awoke to a new journey in front of me.