When I went down whoop whoop for a job interview the week before last, I re-dedicated myself to a particular God. It was wonderful, and I felt so blessed. Lately I’ve been teeming over books and blogs, seeing what others write about the Craft. Then I realised, who cares. My path is my own, and I know who I am. I’m not a Witch who needs to sit behind an altar inside with candles and incense. I’m not a Witch who needs to add any other Witch or Wiccan individual or group known to FaceBook to feel like one. I am me, I am on a unique path, and I’ll do it my way. I know I have a hell of a lot to learn, and one day I might even find someone or a coven to help me along the way. Until then, I’m quite satisfied going at my own pace.
I’ve been on this path for a decade now. Holy shit, a decade! And it’s only been recently that I feel like my true self on this path. Books say that you have to sit behind an altar and light this incense with this coloured candle rubbed with this oil…I’ve never been comfortable doing that. I’m at most myself, sitting on the beach under the stars with the water lapping before me and the wind gently caressing my cheek. Or lying down on the grass in the back yard, watching butterflies fight over flowers on the bush, and spiders slowly taking over the clothes line more and more.
I still have my altar, but outside is where I belong. And after realising just how fluffy some of my books are, I’ve gone back to the Master of the Craft – Scott Cunningham. My friend S telling me to get his book was the best thing I could’ve done, and now I’m back refreshing myself.
For me, my path is not about the magick side of the craft, or the ritual behind chosen words. It is about the connection between me and the Goddess and God. It’s about casting a circle and celebrating the sabbats and esbats using words that come to me, stuffing up and laughing when I don’t make any sense, but knowing the Gods have a sense of humour and letting me know it’s ok through a gentle breeze.
It’s more with feeling the pull of the Moon when she’s full, or feeling love come through the Sun’s warm rays. It’s knowing when Mercury is in retrograde and understanding that life will be a tad evil for a while. It’s saying an evening blessing before sleep, and then waking up to sit in the sun (when it’s not cloudy or rainy) and attuning yourself with the energies of the day.
Well to me, it’s all this. Everyone’s path is different, and as much as I dislike (most of) the people of this town, there is a pleasent energy here. Driving home along the bay helps me get my water fix, but I haven’t been down to the particular beach I used to live at for a while.
Beach energies are amazing. Where the photo above was taken, I got the feeling of “get of this beach, and get off it now. No good will come of you walking further.” I’ve had that feeling twice before. Once on Bondi (I don’t like Bondi) and once walking around near the cliffs at Anglesea. Just as well I didn’t venture further at Anglesea that day – the beach was litered with jellyfish. There’s a beach along the Surf Coast that I used to visit each full moon. It was safe there at night, and I was lucky as I usually had it all to myself. But I’m not sure if I can go back there. It’s hard to explain…I get there and instantly want to leave.
But I love our back yard, especially now since there’s no one in the flat behind us anymore. There are high fences, soft grass, and by 9am the Sun is high enough to keep me warm when I’m lying down and just…being.
So I don’t know what you’d call me, after all this. I’m not sure what branch of the Pagan tree I fall under, and part of me doesn’t really give a shit. But with the 2011 Census coming up, it’s been suggested that we Pagans put under religion “Pagan – [insert branch here]” So I’ll think about what my “insert branch here” is, but I’m happy with where I am. I’m loving the connection I have with the Gods, and I have so so so much more to learn, but one day at a time.