Around the Cauldron · The Goddess Path

In between Maiden and Mother

I am 33 years old and regardless to never having children/can’t have children/don’t want children, I see myself as a Mother. This really hit home when Augie got bit by that bloody snake she chose to play with, and I cried hysterically with her in my lap (in a carrier) while my husband tried very hard not to break the speed limit on the way to the vet.

But unlike childbirth, there’s no real transition for us. Giving birth is a transition from one stage of life to another. So I think there should be something between Maiden and Mother for those of us who physically don’t experience that transition. I don’t want to be a 33 y/o Maiden! I stopped seeing myself as Maiden in my mid-twenties!

I’m currently working with the Mother Archetype and as I’m on this journey with a collective group, we’ll soon be moving onto working with the Crone Archetype.

As women we experience a transition from Mother to Crone through menopause, or becoming grandmothers. So if we can experience physical transition from Child to Maiden (menstruation), Maiden to Mother (childbirth), Mother to Crone (menopause, grandchild being born) what physical transition can women have who choose NOT to give birth or NOT to foster/look after children in any form?

(NB: As I’m typing this a friend mentioned that the stage between Mother and Crone is Queen, and I am rather in love with that!)

This feeling leaves me in a bit of limbo as I’m someone who often forgets past experiences, so I come to the realisation that I am currently in the Mother Archetype at least twice a year as if it’s some big revelation.

For me personally, the only physical transformation I can utilise is when I was told I could never conceive as my ovaries don’t know how to fertilise an egg. I don’t want to go through IVF as I’d rather save for a deposit for a house, and I’m not convinced I’d be any good at raising children while I’m still having mental health issues such as PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or hormonal bipolar). Cats are much more forgiving when I’m having a terrible mood shift – suicidal and so paranoid I don’t want to leave the safety of the bedroom – than a small and impressionable child who will carry the memory of it’s Mother saying awful and unforgiving things for it’s lifetime while in the heat of a hormonal shift.

Alternatively, is the transition we go through via our family? Is the name of women between Maiden and Mother, Aunty? My sister-in-law is 6 days over due and for all I know in labour as I write this with child no. 3. I am jumping each time my phone beeps, my mother isn’t sleeping with anticipation, and I’ve no doubt my SIL is ready for the baby to be out already! I absolutely adore my nieces and I love the moments when I’m able to travel to visit them, and that’s enough for me.

The Archetype of Aunty can apply to when you have nieces and/or nephews of blood relation, or your close friends have children.

Friends have also suggested Warrior, and Boss. I’m still in love with the suggestion of Queen.

3 thoughts on “In between Maiden and Mother

  1. It always surprises me, although it probably shouldn’t by now, that when I read your posts, a lot of the time I am feeling the same thing. I too have made the childless shift from maiden to mother, although I am a teacher, so perhaps this was my ‘initiation’. I love the idea that Aunty is also a form of mother energy, especially if we look back to the matrifocal communities where all women took part in helping raise the children, it fits beautifully!
    Thank you for sharing your journey! x

  2. I don’t resonate to Mother archetype at all :-/ I don’t know that I really ever related to Maiden that much either.

    I love Queen, and when I discovered that concept, I felt a kind of relief! I think I personally have always related to Seeker.. something that isn’t so gender bound.

  3. As an aside.. I quite like Warrior too.. but I am trying to shift my language away from that kind of battle oriented language, if that makes sense.. which means I have to also move away from Warrior too.

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