In a complete Spiritual sense, sometimes you’re just not meant to leave. Sometimes you believe your path working with something in particular (an element, or location, or people, or Deity etc) has come to an end for various reasons, and when that happens you may find yourself drawn back there until you acknowledge it.

Before the acknowledgement, you may find yourself disconnected and questioning your path, second guessing everything, feeling like you need to pick up a 101 book and begin again (or in my case, having a massive cry in the car on the way to work to your God because everything is too much and you’re just not coping with it all.) The signs will begin to smack you in the face from so many different directions, and just won’t stop until you acknowledge it.

This is what I’m doing universe – are you listening?! I GET IT!!

Funnily enough, this time around all began with sitting down and being able to properly watch Moana. If you haven’t seen it, you’ve GOT to watch it! It is the most beautiful Disney movie, and it’s kicked The Lion King off my internal pedestal as my favourite Disney animation. Don’t get me wrong, The Lion King will always be my childhood Disney movie, but as a 32 year-old, Moana has won. (I also say ‘properly watch it’ because it may not have been at the movies, and the first time around I may have been distracted in trying to let Miss 6 Niecey win at Uno…she won the second round!)

I mentioned a few posts ago about my path changing (again) and that this time I’m leaving it in Herne’s hands because I knew He had plans for me. He has a greater understanding of the bigger picture because time doesn’t have the same meaning in His reality as it does ours. So something I thought I needed to leave behind for numerous reasons, was the one thing He wanted me to embrace within my life again.

Watching Moana helped me to understand that. Then all these “hints” came flooding back, all these messages that I seemed to have completely ignored because I was dealing with grief like I’ve never experienced before and on the best of days I wasn’t coping.

When you’re called, answer the call. If you feel the pull of the ocean, regardless of the weather, go for that swim. And when the Gods have to really spell it out for you, thank them with every inch of your being.

Holy fuck, universe. I get it. I acknowledge it. No matter how far I go from the water’s edge, I will always belong to the water.

Every turn I take
Every trail I track
Every path I make
Every road leads back to the place I know
Where I cannot go
Where I long to be

See the light where the sky meets the sea
It calls me…
– How Far I’ll Go, Moana Soundtrack

[NB: I’m okay. I’m still grieving, and I don’t expect the grief to properly dissipate any time soon. It’s hard, depression makes it harder, PMDD makes it impossible to function properly, but like Poppy sings in Trolls, I’m not giving up today / There’s nothing getting in my way / And if you knock knock me over / I will get back up again.]