Book of Eucalypt

A few months ago, I found myself in the fortunate position of being able to purchase a house. It was a stressful two months of ensuring all the I’s were dotted and t’s were crossed so I could receive the keys prior to the Xmas shutdown period.

And then came the even more stressful period of moving – 18 trailer loads and a removalist to make the 50 minutes/60kms journey from the rental to the new, beautiful home right as the heat of summer was creeping in.

And then came the reality of ensuring the End of Lease clean was done to the real estate’s standard (despite a professional cleaner, it “wasn’t clean enough” and my goodness, I absolutely have things to say about that AND the real estate’s behaviour in the matter) …in a heatwave.

This was then followed by the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion of wanting to be done with it all and the fall out of what happens to your body when you’re post-menopause, AuDHD with an autoimmune condition – in the middle of a ridiculous 40C/105F+ that spanned days and days, with the temperature not dropping until well after midnight, only to do back for another round the following day.

Want to meditate? Sorry, it’s too hot.

Want to garden? Sorry, it’s way too hot. It’s finally cool? Flies and mosquitoes.

Want to hold a ritual in the garden? You’re way too burnt out, emotionally exhausted, and so tired of masking your AuDHD that the moment a fly lands on your skin you fall into an emotional shitheap of tears, panic, and want to rip off your skin.

Just wait for the weather to get a bit cooler.

Eugh…now what

Finding ways to regulate yourself in a new environment can be difficult, and being post-menopause means that what used to work for me just doesn’t scratch that itch. It’s particularly difficult after moving house as often we (Autistics) will have that ‘safe space’ that can often either be overlooked when moving, or not prioritised for setting up, or (in this case) it’s been too damn hot TO set it up.

At the old house I became too scared of the backyard to comfortably do anything Pagan-esque out there. No ritual outdoors, or dancing under the full moon. The yard was littered with cat head weeds that are dangerous little bastards that can be compared to that of stepping on lego, but these fuckers will pierce your skin. And once they die off and turn brown is when they’re most dangerous, too.

My ‘safe space’ was set up midway into our tenancy at the previous house – in the shed. Initially we needed to reduce our time in there because we had left a house full of toxic black mould, so all things out there had to air out, lest we find ourselves having adverse reactions to being around the mould spores again. The previous owner had left things (which took a good 18 months to collect) but slowly, eventually, I allocated myself a section within to make it ‘mine’. My altar set up was a trestle table hidden under a tablecloth, I was able to hang curtains to hide the insulated walls, and eventually Hekate demanded her own little table because she was “tired of sharing the marriage bed” that was Herne’s altar and my working altar.

Physically raising energy

My other main love with how my space was “in the shed” was my recumbent exercise bike was directly next to my altar.

I would light my personalised candle, jump on the bike, put on a very specific playlist, and raise energy through physical activity, singing along to the music, hand movements, etc. I would cast my circle/dedicate space all while keeping my sciatica at bay.

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7j2SVl9U9wBo0fwIE7kxYe?si=8660cccaebf74e08

By adding my own circle casting within Wendy Rules’ ‘The Circle Song’ I would dedicate the space within the oversized two-car Colorbond garage and visualise that the space within and directly outside of those partially insulated walls were cleansed. Rather than physically walking a barrier, I would visualise myself and my Fetch walking the parameter while I aimed for my 6km of bike time.

Once my time on the bike was done, I would feel grounded and connected to what my ritual ahead would entail. I would shawl myself (if the moment called for it) and begin – Acknowledging Country, lighting of the incense, lighting of the candles, calling in the Gods, acknowledging the Ancestors…and so on and so forth.

And then I packed all of that up and moved house

It takes time to settle into a new home. You need to understand the quirks of the house, the cats need to get comfortable and being so far out I need to add in a 50 minute drive to work rather than 12 minutes and a single set of lights.

Furniture needs to be trialled here and there, certain items need multiple people to manoeuvre so there’s waiting times, and this heat wave…a lot of the time it’s just been too damn hot. There are particular things that obviously take priority while unpacking and settling into a new house – kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, books. While I do currently have a great shed that I will eventually utilise to its fullest potential, I’m still unpacking and it’s still quite chaotic.

However, the bike got moved inside last night. It was cool enough for me to function in closed in shoes (first time in four months!) so I was safely able to move the bike from the shed to in front of the new altar space without fear of tripping in incorrect footwear.

I was able to play my playlist, and sing along, and do my hand movements – and ground myself to the point my AuDHD was blissfully regulated. The weather was cool, I was comfortable in shoes, I did 5km on the bike right before my altar in the living area.

I am finding my new groove

Rather than spending 20 minutes in meditation right before my 12 minute drive to work, I am choosing Deep Sleep meditations on Insight App to help regulate me through sleep.

I am choosing specific music for the drive in, finding that I zone out too easily for audiobooks, or I listen too intently and worry that I will lose focus on driving.

I will talk Herne’s ear off on the drive in, and have amazing conversations with him about various things – from my book that is coming out soon, to what to do next in the garden, to venting about the weeds or voicing things in order to better process my thoughts.

My tarot cards have gone from the main altar/working altar to my bedroom altar. There is a new system with them and my routine.

I have learnt that one of the archways in the garden is a door between realms, and it’s very difficult to cast a circle while standing within it – you will trip over your tongue to the point of feeling like a brand new novice. I had flashbacks of being 16 and reading a circle call off paper! (I’ve been doing my current personalised circle call for 15 years!)

I have learnt that each time I see a rabbit on a very particular stretch of my journey in, it is a message to pay attention to my Oma and what she’s trying to convey. I am discovering that moving to this little village with no grocery store, one petrol bowser and it’s 600m walk to the bakery is the best thing that I could have done for my health – mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing.