Thirty days of daily devotion, all in the form of blogging. For a brief moment I thought, “could I really do this?” Of course I could. I’m great at talking when I don’t have to open my mouth, finding the written word to be so much more comfortable (people at work think I’m “private”…they obviously don’t know me very well).
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it, even if some days I know I posted halfheartedly because of outside stuff going on. I’ve been tired and exhausted, and am currently so stressed I’ve got awful things happening with my body in its reaction to this stress.
I will be going back over time and adding things to those posts, updating them as time goes on and as I learn more about him.
But I have learnt so much more, and even have been reminded in the little things.
It’s been a very interesting journey. Sometimes I’ve posted from work (as I am now, the system is down) as I’ve known I’ll be too tired to jump on the computer at home. These posts have felt very different to those posted from home. At home I light a candle, ask Herne to join me and to contribute. Those days he takes over and won’t let me post certain things. There have been times that I’ve gone to write and my fingers won’t move, because he doesn’t want it said, or it doesn’t fit the topic.
And then there was this morning. In writing for Day Thirty: Getting to know you I had this influx of emotion that I almost started crying here at my work desk.
He is someone to be in awe of, like every Deity, but he is amazing. He is patient when you’re learning, he’s strong and intimidating and radiating when you need strength, and he will help when you need protection. He’s not someone you will become best buddies with straight away. He will sit back and watch, and judge your progress, but if you’re like me and become a Dedicant of his, he will take you under his wing, he will lend you his strength to get through the hardest of times, and he will be there to help you through any challenge. He won’t do it for you, he will coach you and help you and show you ways to do it on your own, so you can learn and grow.
Two years ago I got my second tattoo in the third and final stage of my Dedication Rite to him. Given its position on my arm (and possibly from not eating for four hours), I almost fainted. I’ll admit it, I’m certainly not ashamed – it fucking hurt. I was a cutter for over 10 years, I know the points on my arms that give the most pain. The outline down the sides of my wrists fucking hurt! With the help of the tattooist giving me some of his “gotta keep my sugar levels in check” cookies, I felt a little better.
But then…this is when I knew I was certainly doing the right thing. I felt Herne place his hand on my left shoulder, I felt his presence standing behind me, and he gave me the energy and the strength to proceed and get through it. It was the single-needle doing the outline of the antlers that I was struggling with, and he was there supporting me. He helped bring the pain down, he helped me process the pain and direct what I was feeling into something else. He helped shield my mind, to not focus on the pain, but to focus on the love and support he was giving me and to realise the bigger picture going on here – permanent, physical dedication and devotion from me to him.
When I say that I believe he is an amazing man and an amazing God, it’s because I know it to be true. It’s because I’ve felt the love and support he can give when the situation calls for it. When I say that I am still at times intimidated from him, it’s because I know of the strength, the omnipotence and the power that he is. I’ve seen the light of him as well as seeing the dark. And as much as my feelings for him can sometimes resemble as school girl crush, I know just how powerful a Deity he is. I respect and revere him, I am in awe of him, I am intimidated by him, and I am devoted to him.
I am a Dedicant, a Devotee and Daughter of Herne the Hunter.
Hail Herne the Hunter!